If I am angry at someone, If I am Happy, If I feel embarrassed, If I treat people I don't see eye to eye with different then those I see eye to eye with. If I feel superior or better then someone, If I treat someone with disrespect, If I choose to become prideful. Why do I react?? Who do I put the blame on??
The way I feel and act, are directly a result of what I have been taught in the days, all the days before this. If I disagree with someone, It's not because I don't like that individual, Its because my morals, value's and beliefs are different from that persons. If I don't understand something, I should ask and if I think I don't like someone it's most likely that I don't agree with a behaviour that person displays. Stress for me is the difference between the way things are and the way that I want them to be, (power and control)
People are funny beings, we are what we know. If I was taught to frown when I was happy, I would. If I has taught to blow myself up in the name of religion I would. People no matter how I want them to act are going to be who and how they are taught to be. I have no control over people places and things. In order to reduce stress in my life, I have to change my image of how I want the world to work, to how it actually works.
I think the most important learning lesson for me is, I know that I feel the way that I want to because I choose to feel that way. If I am mad at someone because I am embarrassed, first of all my anger is a result of not being comfortable with myself as a person. I know that embarrassment is a result of shame, its easier for me to become angry because I have been taught that as a male its okay to become angry and its not okay to show emotion and cry. However to approach that person who embarrassed me and say, "I would appreciate it if you did not talk about that" would be much easier then remaining angry at that person and holding on to a resentment. If I am mad at someone and they don't know, then it's my problem, If someone is angry at me and I don't know, Its their problem. If I live and act in a way where I never intentionally hurt anyone, then I know I am exactly who I want and exactly where I want to be.
To be self-satisfied and have a good self-esteem is crucial to effective assertive communication. I know for myself personally it took me a long time to get out of lying cheating and stealing to help my addiction. I had to change everything I thought about myself and everything I thought I knew about the world. I felt for a long time that the world revolved around Billy. I thought that without my vast amount of knowledge and good looks, the world wouldn't function properly. Realizing that I am just one more person in a world full of people with different values and beliefs is a humbling experience to say the least. So why am I here?? To do the best with what I have for today and be good with me as a person.
Next time you look at someone with judgement, or feel like someone is not on the same level so to speak, think about what that person knows, what they have been taught. Why is that person the way they are? Not because they dropped out of the sky, but because they have been taught that what they are doing is right, and one of the biggest things I can do to help myself is be open to hearing different opinions and be opening to changing for the better. So that one day I can have kids and they can be the best they can be because of what I know. Hold no judgement and receive no judgement. Share love and receive love. Be kind and accept kindness. Know that people are all different and deserve the same things that each and every person on the planet deserve. Respect to be who they are.
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