Sometimes, in my position it's difficult not to take other people inventory, my job requires me to help clients maintain more healthy lifestyles. I sometimes find myself comparing my situation to others, and at times it can be difficult to remember where exactly I came from, and how I have changed. Its inevitable as an addict I will have using thoughts and dreams, however I have to stay strong in my decision to stay recovered.
Decisions are everything in life, as soon as I put my mind to something and decide that's what I want to do, my physical body has no other choice but to follow my mind. I WILL NOT do anything that I decide I don't want to do, and in the same respect can achieve anything that I put my mind to. I was afraid for a long time about relapse. That I would all the sudden find myself buying drugs or taking a drink. I know however that until I convince myself that I want to do it, nothing will happen. I believe that life is not about trying to be the best person, but about making mistakes so that when we raise our kids, they don't have to, if they don't want to. My life has been full of mistakes and learning experience's, all of which where my decision and all of which I don't regret. I love the fact that I can wake up on a daily basis and assist people in making the right decisions. I know that I used to blame people and try to make up excuses for my anger and drug and alcohol use, however the reason why I couldn't recover is that I wasn't willing to understand where the problem was coming from. No matter what I do, say, feel or how I act I responsible for myself. Nobody on this planet can control me, to the best of my knowledge anyway. I like to ask "what" questions as opposed to "why" questions. It helps people understand there part in every situation.
If I ask "Jim why where you late for class"
Jim replies "My alarm clock didn't go off"
Then I ask myself, where does the blame go in that situation? To the alarm clock?
What if I ask "Jim what where you thinking when you showed up late for class"
What choice is there but to answer with some cognitive error.
I know that in every situation regardless of what it is, I am hesitant to see my side if I am approached about it in a manner that draws my ego to the table, especially in front of people who I am not as comfortable with. I also know that in every situation there is no right and no wrong. If I judge something as right or wrong rather then just the way it is, I already bring my own bias in. I must look at things as just the way they are, to avoid thinking like I would have done it differently, therefor my comparison of myself to other peoples actions does not impair my judgement. I look at the world as an ever changing and magnificent learning experience, and when we die, our souls are carried on to a place indescribable by any ones imagination. So everything regardless of who or what happens, is not right or wrong, just the way things are, and there is no telling how I would act in any given situation until I am faced with the actual situation myself.
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